19 May, 1953

19 May

Today is a terribly sad day. Jane died in the early hours of the morning. It wasn’t at all unexpected, but hit me harder than I thought. I am ashamed to say I have fallen back on that old crutch, laudanum. Usually, I am extremely conscientious and only take the tiniest amount to help me relax. Today, I am afraid I’ve rather over done it, but find such solace in sweet escape.

Of course, I saw and spoke in depth Stephen and Conrad, but am too exhausted to tell more.

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